PIGLET'S REWRITE OF RICHARD III

A sea coast in France

FIRST WATCHER
Ten is the hour that was appointed us
To watch for ship, lately embark’d from England.

SECOND WATCHER
Look where it comes; sail fill’d with fretting gusts
The black vessel shakes on Neptune’s billow,
Half the flood hath her keel cut; up and down
The poor ship drives, delug’d, overflow’d and drown’d;
The ruthless waves with sands and rocky shelves
Do threaten her with wreck.

FIRST WATCHER
And yet she lives!

SECOND WATCHER
She cannot perish having one aboard,
Of such dark, secret, midnight wickedness
That even Neptune’s green, prodigious bowel
Cannot enclose, engulf and swallow up,
But like a drunkard must vomit him forth,
Who’s destined to a drier death on shore:
James Tyrell, Knight of England, here he comes.

Enter Sir James Tyrell

FIRST WATCHER
Yea, I’d warrant him gainst drowning, though the ship were no stronger than a nutshell and as leaky as an unstanched wench.

TYRELL
’Tis not the first time I have landed on
This unkind coast, and when I came before
Did not the awkward winds conspire to turn
Me back again unto my native clime?
What well forewarning wind did seem to say
‘Seek not the scorpion’s nest, nor set no footing
On that traitor’s shore’? What did I then,
But cursed the gentle gusts that took me home,
And bid them blow towards these Breton rocks.
And now come I again, ’tis not the waves
And savage seas have wrecked and hammered me
From top of honour to disgrace’s feet:
My shamed life in Tudor’s dishonour lies.
How was it possible, that foreign hire
Could out of me extract such spark of evil?
O treason, thou art glutted, gorged and full
With guiltless blood of innocents. Edward’s
Children murdered! God rest their little souls.
The most arch deed of piteous massacre

Here Piglet has Sir James Tyrell landing in Brittany to meet Welsh pretender Henry Tudor, Tudor wants to commission Tyrell to murder the little princes. Their deaths will then be blamed on their uncle and protector, Richard, Duke of Gloucester.

It occurred to me that rewriting Richard III could be a useful and fun class project for students of Shakespeare, as pillaging his work for phrases, lines and images necessarily involves getting acquainted with a good many plays. There are plenty of online tools that can help.

Searchable Works of Shakespeare
Another one, from The Literature Network
Shakespeare presented by Google

If any teacher is interested in this strange idea, please do get in touch.

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